When Discipline Precedes Desire
How Small Acts of Faithfulness Shape Our Hunger for God's Presence
On Saturday evening, while driving home, I told Matt,"I don’t want to go to church tomorrow. I’m tired. I have gardening to do. I just kind of need a day off."
He responded so simply:"Ok, do whatever you need to do."
That small exchange stayed with me. I highlighted the difference between my words, “I don’t want to” and his response “do what you need to do.”
Discipline often comes before desire.
Discipline is what cultivates the desires of our hearts over time and, once established, discipline is what protects the desires we desire to preserve throughout our lives.
Although it’s good to have wise voices in your life, it’s God’s voice we need to learn to seek after and listen to. So, later that night, I laid my head on my pillow and prayed quietly: "Holy Spirit, what do I need to do?"
His response came, soft and clear:"Seek My face."
I knew I could seek Him anywhere—in my home, in my garden. Sometimes I do need a Sunday of rest in solitude. But, I sensed that what I truly needed was to be in the house of God, among His people.
I am heading into a week this week that would require a lot from me—spiritually, emotionally, and physically. Freedom Movement’s Level 2 training is this Thursday through Saturday. Over forty men and women from across the country are gathering in Lake Zurich, IL to engage a childhood story of harm for the purpose of understanding and healing their stories so they can step into deep freedom as leaders in their homes, ministries, and workplaces.
After three years of mentorship and training, I’m being entrusted with my own group without an overseer for the first time. Three years ago when this process began I was biting at the bit to prove I was worthy to lead a group. I was passionate, about bit arrogant, and ignorant. Now, after more work in my own story and years of mentorship from my leaders I am coming into leading this group feeling sober with the weight of what it means and humbled before God to love people in this way.
Knowing what I’m walking into in the coming days, I knew I needed the strength and covering that comes from being with God and His people in His house.
If I truly want the presence of God to be the center of my life and if I want love for Him to be the force that leads me, then even small decisions matter.
Even something as simple as, Will I or won’t I go to church this morning?
Those choices shape the long-term condition of my heart.
So on Sunday morning, I showed up.
I worshiped alongside the saints.
I humbly asked a few trusted friends to pray with me—letting them know I was feeling spiritually heavy and needed encouragement as I prepared for the week ahead.
They surrounded me without hesitation with prayer and encouragement.
They reminded me of who God created me to be, calling out the good, and spoke truth over me with no agenda but love.
As I left service, my heart was full.
And I found myself thinking, This is why we come to the house of God.
Not because we have to.
Not out of duty or legalism.
But because when we come with humility and hunger, something in us is reignited.
Desire is rekindled.
Delight is refreshed.
Defining Discipline
Dallas Willard once defined discipline as “an activity that I can engage in that will enable me to do what I cannot do by direct effort.”
In this season, I cannot, by my own direct effort, write a book.
So the discipline right now is simple: writing 500 words a day.
When I was healing from overworking, I couldn’t, in my own strength, find rest.
It sounds silly, but the discipline in that season was doing less—
making space in my mind, body, and heart to receive more peace.
It felt completely counterintuitive in a culture that glorifies production.
At first, it even felt wrong. I didn’t want to rest. It didn’t feel good at all.
But after a year—52 Sabbath days—God had changed me.
He met me in my faithfulness to obey, and through His presence, He brought the transformation and outcomes I had been striving for.
And this discipline wasn’t just seasonal—it remains today.
Because I am still prone to seek safety apart from God,
still tempted to rely on my own strength,
still capable of robbing my weary soul of the rest He freely offers.
The truth is:
I cannot, by my own effort, transform my heart.
I cannot shift my emotions.
I cannot redeem my life.
This is the work of God.
I can’t create the outcomes through my actions,
but my actions can position me in His presence and in the community of believers
to receive what I could never will myself into.
I know that church can be complicated.
Some of my deepest wounds were inflicted within the walls of churches.
I've been hurt, not by unbelievers, but by believers.
So while I can't fully know your story, I do understand the hesitation, the sensitivity that can come with stepping back into a church community.
But here's what I’ve learned:
When it’s not about the people, and not about checking a religious box—
When it’s about seeking the presence of God with a humble, hungry heart—
You will find what you need.
You'll find refreshment.
You'll find strength.
You'll find the empowerment you need for the week ahead.
When I miss a Sunday, I feel it.
In my body.
In my mind.
In my heart.
In my spirit.
So if you're feeling tired, overwhelmed, or unsure today—
Remember:
Sometimes discipline precedes desire.
Seek His face, even when you don't feel like it.
You might be surprised by how He meets you there.
Upcoming Trainings:
There are still about 20 spots available in our Level 2 Story work training coming up August 7-9th.
Level 2, Freedom in Story, is for Freedom Academy Level 1 graduates who desire to grow their understanding of story work, increase group and individual coaching skills, and gain a more comprehensive understanding of trauma and healing through a Biblical and psychological lens.
Before you can engage story work in Level 2, you have to attend level 1 Freedom Academy for context. We have an online Level 1 training coming up in July 11-13 and in-person Level 1 training in San Diego July 31 - August 2
Curious about joining us for Freedom Academy Level 1 online in July?