Happy Work from Worth Wednesday, friends! Scroll to the bottom of this post for the link to my favorite colorful calendar art and what I used to hang it. But, if you have time to settle in for some stories and talk goal setting, stick around for a bit.
That New Calendar Smell
I’ve always had an affinity for calendars. They carry possibility, hope—and they smell delicious. Never sniffed a new calendar? Well, you’re missing out. If this is all you take from this blog, you can thank me later when you open your next new calendar or journal and bring it up to your nose for a nice deep sniff. Joy at its finest and simplest form.
Growing up, I was the kid who asked my parents for gift cards to Staples for my birthday. Yes, I’m well aware of how quirky this is, but nothing gave me more joy than wandering around aisles of paper, pens, highlighters, and sticky notes. Honestly, it still hits the spot. A solo trip to a paper store with plenty of time to wander, a podcast in my ear, and a pistachio latte in my hands is a prime example of one of my happiest places. It’s a cheaper alternative to therapy.
One of the only childhood presents I vividly remember purchasing with my Staples gift card was for my 10th birthday. I bounced out of the store with a brand-new Lisa Frank planner that zipped up, had colorful tabs, a pocket pouch for my pens, and an array of rainbow unicorns and kittens on the front cover. I carried it to church, school, sleepovers, and Walmart trips with my mom—just in case anyone needed to know my ten-year-old itinerary.
When you think about yourself as a child, what were the games you used to play and the things you used to do that made you come alive? I think we can learn a lot about our callings and God-given design through the framework of what we enjoyed as children. Who were you, and what made you burst with inspiration before the world reshaped your perception of what is worth your time, energy, and money? For me, it was gathering friends, building forts, filling planners with tasks and goals, creating magazine articles to sell, reorganizing my desk, and spending endless hours in church activities. Honestly, not much has changed. I’m living the dream over here.
Who were you, and what made you burst with inspiration before the world reshaped your perception of what is worth your time, energy, and money?
Inspiration? Or a Trauma Response?
Making plans and setting goals is my love language. Well, one of them at least. At my best, my gift for leadership brings structure to the world around me. I love taking my own or someone else’s vision, breaking it down into bite-sized pieces, and writing a compelling message that brings people through the door to experience it all. At my worst, goals and planning are a way to escape the discomfort of facing heartache that falls outside my control.
It’s safe to say that the timeline of my deepest moments of heartache could be marked by the front page of every journal I own. The first few entries are long and packed with emotion. A few weeks pass, and the entries grow further and further apart until they stop completely halfway through the journal. Why? Because when my next mental breakdown came on, I purchased a new one. When another journal shows up on our doorstep, my husband will glance at me from the corner of his eye with a look that says, “Oh no, you bought a new pad of paper. Are you okay?”
My impulsive reaction to discomfort is to chase the new—to create, produce, innovate, and get moving. When motivated by love, this is a gift. When motivated by fear, it’s a trauma response. Sometimes it’s hard to know the difference.
One key question to ask to differentiate is:
Am I moving toward a divinely inspired desire? Or am I moving away from familiar discomfort or pain?
A trauma-informed approach to goal setting is simple: It’s knowing the story that has shaped your behavior and where you go to find safety apart from God. If you don’t know the story, grieve the story, and invite the love of God in to redeem the story, you will remain bound to false loyalty that ultimately leads you to live in cycles of behavior modification.
Working For Him vs Working With Him
If my deepest moments of heartache are marked by the front pages of my journals, the periods of life between those moments could be measured by 30-day challenges. Since 7th grade, I learned I could gain a sense of control and favor through setting goals and committing to the process to achieve them. It’s been almost five years since God interrupted my life of restless productivity for Him to invite me into deeper intimacy with Him. On day 65 of a perfectly executed 75-day hard challenge in the fall of 2020, I found myself sitting in the back room of a 3-day trauma-informed coaching training called Freedom Academy. I thought I was just going to receive tips on how to be a better coach and grow my health and wellness business. By the end of the three days, I sat in the back of the room weeping, knowing I was at a crossroads. Will I choose the familiar road of performance for God? Or will I repent and follow God on a narrow road that leads to life in the secret place?
It’s been almost five years since God interrupted my life of restlessness productivity for Him to invite me into deeper intimacy with Him.
What followed was a journey of discovering that true freedom can’t be earned or proved through impressive exploits in the name of Jesus, but through proximity to Him. I had to grieve the story that shaped my false beliefs about God and learn a new way of living that, at least at first, felt very disorienting. Who am I to God apart from what I do for Him? I was a good goal setter and go-getter for God. But I had no frame of reference for what worshiping through practices like rest, delight, play, contemplative prayer, solitude, creativity, or wonder looked like. It was like writing with my left hand—clumsy, frustrating, and slow. Brutally slow.
Starting a new journal, hitting another Monday with motivation, and beginning a new 30-day challenge of some kind made my body come alive with a sense of purpose. It gave me tangible evidence I was growing. But the real question was, why did I feel the need to prove anything in the first place? Until I answered that question, the lack of thrill that came with a secret and slow perseverance made me crawl out of my skin searching for a new goal that made me feel alive again.
A New Approach To Goal Setting
Through the healing process, my perspective on goals has shifted. The first change was exploring the motivation behind them. Is there an ideal standard for my life being shaped by someone other than God? It might look good and even be good in some respects. But as believers, the primary motivation should always be, “Will doing this help me become more like Jesus?” This is not a one-size fits all question and answer. This question is uniquely answered by each individual differently and may continue to change in each season as you ask it.
After a few years of healing from overworking, I had tasted the goodness of intimacy with God, and there was no turning back to performance. Too much energy had been spent trying to prove my goodness to God, myself, or others in order to earn my way to worth. My motivation is no longer driven by questions like, “Will this make me more money? Will this bring me more time freedom? Is this a good thing to do?” Instead, I ask, “Will doing this (or not doing this) bring me closer to Jesus so I can become more like Him?”
A few days ago, I posted a video on my Instagram stories to celebrate progress on a physical health goal I set for myself this year: to be able to do 10 pull-ups in a row without assistance. This is something I used to do easily, but after overdoing it on the MURPH workout on Memorial Day 2022 without properly hydrating, I was hospitalized with rhabdomyolysis. That experience forced me to change my approach to exercise. I had to honor my body’s need for less intensity and more consistency in order to heal and maintain my strength.
Now, three years later, I posted a video celebrating that I’m halfway back to where I once was—I can do five pull-ups in a row! Yay!
I hesitated to share the video because I often sit with clients and friends who confess feeling like they’re not doing enough of what they think they should be doing. Sometimes we come to places like social media with fear, longing, and a desire to compare ourselves against people who seem to be on the “right” path. We want the formula for discovering what a life of purpose looks like and the $29 course to get us there. For many women of faith, the ideal standard often includes things like, “I wake up before the kids, read my Bible, and get a workout in first thing in the morning.”
Again, there’s nothing wrong with these disciplines when done in love. I do them. I will continue to do them. What’s off is the belief that these behaviors somehow bring us closer to God or secure our sense of worth or purpose.
Three years ago, the behaviors God asked me to commit to were less instgramable: sleep in, take walks, and learn to let go of your commitment to do impressive things the hardest way. Now, in the aftermath of obedience to that journey, I’m back to my morning gym routine—but with a peace that is no longer up for grabs and practical support in this new season that allows me to leave in the mornings while honoring my family and my own limitations.
During the height of my “boss babe” season, there was a rising author and inspirational speaker whose words seemed to pierce the heart of every overly ambitious workaholic. She was electric, funny, and left you feeling like doing more was the only plausible answer to your life’s problems. Great for sales, not so great for souls. Reading her books and listening to her speeches was like eating sour candy: at first, it hit the spot and gave me a tingle of excitement. But after a while, I was still hungry, my mouth was raw, and my tastebuds were dulled.
In one of her books, she outlined a long list of accomplishments she achieved in a single day. I remember putting the book down, exhausted while growing my online business with a traveling husband, infant, and five year old. I wondered, “How in the world does she do all this? How could I possibly keep up? What’s wrong with me that I can’t?” Come to find out, the way she “did it all” was… she didn’t. Nannies raised her children and cooked her meals. Housekeepers cleaner her house and folded her laundry. Teams hustled her content into the world. At first I asked the question, “is that the sort of life I want to live?” but now I I know the greater question is. “is that the sort of life God desires for me to live?” While her commitment to leadership, goals, and follow-through was admirable, the honest answer to both of those questions is no.
In the years following the peak of her career, the world witnessed the fallout of these beliefs in the downward spiral of her personal life and marriage. Mercy is still abundantly available every morning—for her and for us. But my point is that context is key. It’s also often what’s missing in the endless comparison games we find ourselves playing.
You’ve heard it before, but it’s worth repeating: no matter how impressive or put-together that stranger looks on the internet, they are not the standard for success.
The truth is, nothing you could ever gain or lose this side of heaven can change your intrinsic worth. Because of what Jesus has done for you, you are already good and cannot get any closer to God than you are right now. So we can stop striving and simply remain in Him, flourishing as He dwells at the center of all we do. Growth means risking following God into territory that feels challenging and uncomfortable. But when we do, we go with Him, not to Him. We live, work, and exist with our “witness” intact, we remain safe with Him to fail, learn, rest, move, and grow to become like Him—because His love for us is never on the line.
This understanding bursts the pressure bubble of performance because your worth, or proximity to God, is not tied to whether you do or don’t accomplish these things. The greater invitation is to follow Him into discovering how pursuing these goals will shape you into a person who can more easily receive and give away God’s love. Ultimately, this is the greatest goal of our lives on this side of heaven—until we are made new.
Next week I will layout my approach to goal setting and the five categories I set for my goals, but for now I hope these words stir up curiosity, hope, and pop the pressure of demand over you ambition as you abide in God’s love.
Colorful Calendar Art Links:
For my fellow lovers of color and calendars, this new calendar art in my sunroom gives me so much joy. Here is are the links to purchase the calendars and what I used to hang them:
Colorful Calendars: Aren’t they the cutest?
Magnetic Poster Hangers: I didn’t have enough wall space in my office to hang all 12 of my decorative calendars at once, so I came up with a simple solution! I display six months at a time using magnetic frames, which makes switching out the months a breeze. The magnets are strong enough to hold two calendar pages at once, so I keep the current months on top and neatly store the next six months right underneath. It’s a tidy and functional way to stay organized and keep my calendars looking great!
Double-sided mounting tape: I used this double sided tape on the back of the magnetic hangers to mount them on the wall.
Chalk Pens: Make sure you only use these pens on the calendars. Otherwise you wont be able to use them in future years. The chalk ink wipes right off with a little water on a paper towel.
Here are the decorative tabs, sticky notes, dot stickers, and washi tape I purchased to put on the calendars. Obviously, none of this is essential - this is all for the joy of it - but I think they are fun! Transparent Sticky Note, Multi-color book tabs, Washi Dot Stickers , and Washi Tape
Work From Worth Mentorship Spring 2025
Our Spring session of work from worth is coming up in March of 2025. Karrie and I still have six more spots available for this intimate mentorship experience.
This mentorship program includes Freedom Academy Online February 7-9 and 12-weeks of story work, Biblical coaching, and spiritual formation. This group is one of my favorite things I get to be a part of because it’s so intimate. We only take 12 women through this mentorship process at a time.
If you want a free first step to get to know us and learn more about self-sabotage, spiritual gifts, and story engagement — here is a link to 7-days of free access to our Work From Worth Workshop recording.
You can learn more apply for our Spring Mentorship program by following this link.
See you next Wednesday,
Tori
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